


only wanna do bad things to you

by transit (dollyeo)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, M/M, Romantic Comedy, Roommates, mukbang au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 13:14:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11578800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dollyeo/pseuds/transit
Summary: "Do you realize how gross it is that you're using me as your spank bank," Soonyoung complains, banging his head against the surface of their tiny kitchen table. "Welivetogether."Wonwoo shrugs and turns to his phone, already bored of the conversation. "I paid good money for the show."(There's bound to be awkward situations living with someone you're practically in love with. Just ask Wonwoo. He could write a whole book off of that.)





	only wanna do bad things to you

When Wonwoo was younger and perpetually getting hard at everything that moved, he thought that he'd grow out of the awkward phase of being a horny teenager and finally live a half-decent life barely obsessively deleting his history folder to wipe out all traces of his shame. Now that he's twenty-five and wanking in his room when he's bored and doing his laundry to get rid of the evidence (read: everyday), he realizes that maybe he's never really going to grow out of it, ever.

At least, not until his dick stops functioning and becomes less hyper vigilant around people he's been in love with since he was sixteen. Wonwoo's never been much of an optimist, so it's not really too much of a stretch to imagine it's _not_ gonna happen anytime soon.

"It's the stress," says Wonwoo, more for his own benefit than anyone else's. "I'm going crazy from med school, so I need to let it out _somehow_."

"Uh huh." His roommate, Soonyoung, says this as he contemplates his bowl of instant noodles with dead eyes resembling fish Wonwoo would rather starve himself for hours than eat. "Right."

Soonyoung picks up a strand with his chopsticks and manages to miss his own mouth outright in a daze that Wonwoo chalks up to exhaustion. Hopefully. Either way, it looks like he'd rather be anywhere else but here, and Wonwoo, in some small, quailing part of himself that manages to feel some semblance of embarrassment, manages to commiserate with, deeply.

That moment lasts as long as Soonyoung can sit without fidgeting, because Wonwoo refuses to make the situation any more awkward than it has to be, and, well, he's always been a fan of putting Soonyoung into uncomfortable situations, even at his own expense. So he forges on.

"We're both guys," says Wonwoo. "It's perfectly normal behavior for people our age—"

"We're not talking about this," Soonyoung snaps out. "Go away."

"—and one of us was bound to walk in on the other getting their rocks off at some point," Wonwoo continues, refusing to let the heat spreading across his skin deter him. "It's no big deal."

Honestly, he's even more surprised it hasn't happened sooner, and it's not for lack of trying. Soonyoung's either very covert about it, or he just has a depressingly low sex drive to begin with. Wonwoo's praying desperately for it to be the former. He'll have to work on the other one a bit more, right after his ten year plan of getting Soonyoung to _finally_ get it through his thick skull that they're practically married at this point, just without a ring.

And the sex. God. That's what makes it even worse. Whatever it is that Wonwoo's done in his past life, it must have been tragic and life-ruining. No one deserves the kind of cockblocking he's been getting for years. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Even now, Soonyoung is impervious to his plight, content to rest his head on the table, hiding his face. The nape of his neck is pink all over, like that time he'd spent too long in the jjimjilbang and Mingyu and Seokmin had to drag him outside. Wonwoo was too busy trying to will an untimely erection to go away. Seriously, fuck Soonyoung so hard.

"That's not the issue here," he mumbles. The blush spreads upwards, to the back of his ears. It's really hard to look away, but at least Soonyoung seems to muster enough courage in himself to finally stare at Wonwoo head-on. It lasts for, like, five seconds, but whatever. It just means he's getting more conscious of Wonwoo, and Wonwoo will take what he can get.

It doesn't stop Wonwoo from teasing him, though. It's just way too easy.

"What? Never seen someone else's dick before?" Wonwoo says. "I know you're practically repressed, but there's no way you haven't watched porn in your entire life." Wonwoo's not really fishing for kinks. Really, he's not. It's just that desperation makes people do stupid things. Desperation, and high stress situations. "You know, I'm pretty sure Jisoo-hyung has an entire hard drive of it backed up somewhere in Seungcheol-hyung's apartment—"

Soonyoung makes a dying sound at the back of his throat. It shouldn't be as attractive to Wonwoo as it sounds, but apparently love is both deaf and blind. Gross.

"Please, please, _please_ , for the love of god, shut up," Soonyoung practically begs. Wonwoo feels a lick of satisfaction coil in his stomach, simmering low in his belly, at the sound. "I'm too busy having a mental breakdown to pay attention to you."

"If I'd known this would be the fastest way to get you to stop talking to me, I would have done it a long time ago," says Wonwoo, dryly.

"I can see your mouth moving but all I can hear is bullshit," says Soonyoung, pointing his chopsticks at Wonwoo like it's supposed to be threatening. It's really, really not. "Just remember that I have a pair of chopsticks and I'm not afraid to use them."

"I doubt that's even gonna make a dent on me."

"I didn't say they were for you," says Soonyoung, sounding grim. "Do you think if I tried hard enough, I could end my suffering with these?"

Wonwoo rolls his eyes. "You're being dramatic."

"And you're still talking," says Soonyoung. "What part of 'go away' do you not understand?"

"Well, _I_ thought the first rule of living together was all about communication," says Wonwoo, lifting an eyebrow. On the fridge, Soonyoung's long since plastered a list of house rules that both of them have written on at separate points in time. _Don't steal my snacks, jackass_ is in bright red ink, courtesy of Soonyoung after their first week together. _Don't raid my clothes, then, pervert_ , is Wonwoo's retaliation right under it, a few lines away from _If you have a problem with me, say it to my fucking face_.

No one really follows the rules to the letter – Wonwoo still grabs the last of Soonyoung's banana milk when he's too lazy to go to the convenience store a few blocks away, and Soonyoung still rifles around Wonwoo's closet looking for clean underwear when he hasn't done the laundry in a while. None of them except for rule one, at least, even if it's caused more fights than resolutions. And right now, Soonyoung looks like he'd rather strike it down than have to deal with Wonwoo.

The squirming is a little cute, if Wonwoo's honest about it. But it's not like he's gonna say it out loud.

"That was before I caught you with a hand down your shorts while watching my stream," says Soonyoung, sounding pained.

"To be fair, you were being obscenely loud."

"It's a fucking _mukbang_ , Jeon Wonwoo, what the fuck!" Soonyoung practically recoils and throws his chopsticks at him in annoyance. Wonwoo doesn't even bother ducking, not when Soonyoung has shitty aim and ends up chucking it in the completely opposite direction. "No sane person is allowed to have boners watching people _eat_ food!"

Obviously, Soonyoung's never heard of heart boners before, but whatever. Wonwoo's in love with an idiot.

"You were practically fellating that banana," says Wonwoo. "I can't be held responsible for my own actions."

"It was a _request_ ," says Soonyoung, sounding more offended than when Wonwoo told him his livestreams were boring the first time around just to piss him off. "I don't deliberately make it a point to swallow down phallic objects in my videos, so take that judgment and _fuck off_."

"And you didn't even get around to finishing that cucumber," says Wonwoo. "Shame."

"Oh my god," says Soonyoung. "You're the jackass that sent the request."

"I was wondering when you'd catch on that it was a joke," says Wonwoo, not even the least bit apologetic. "Turns out you're a whore for star balloons, aren't you?"

"Are you _pimping me out on Afreeca_?"

"Everyone chipped in for the balloons," says Wonwoo. "We have very supportive friends, apparently."

"That's it," says Soonyoung. "I'm moving out and defriending all your asses."

"In my defense, we were extremely bored and I was drunk off my ass at that time," says Wonwoo, never mind that it was, like, a Monday night, and he'd only polished off half a can of beer. "And you were talking about bringing in hongeo so I had to resort to drastic measures."

"And you thought a tub of _gaebul_ was a better option???"

"Okay, now _that one_ was really funny watching you try to hide it from me in the freezer."

Wonwoo wishes he could go back and take videos of Soonyoung blanching and moving at a speed previously unknown to man just to get _anyone and everyone_ to step away from the fridge when their friends came over for dinner. Mingyu had ended up getting an elbow to his gut, Seokmin almost got a concussion banging the back of his head against the wall, and Wonwoo had to excuse himself to go to the bathroom to keep the laughter at bay. Dinners were never boring with Soonyoung around.

Unfortunately, Soonyoung doesn't seem to appreciate the lengths Wonwoo goes through just to get his daily dose of entertainment. Life is hard.

"I can't believe I paid good money just to feed a troll," Soonyoung despairs. He narrows his eyes at Wonwoo, and steeples his fingers the way he does when he's trying (and failing) to look serious. "Are you actually secretly in love with me?"

Wonwoo makes a strangled sound at the back of his throat; he doesn't know if it's mostly disgust, or something else. Wonwoo has an _image_ to maintain. "Just because I fap to you doesn't mean I want to kiss you," says Wonwoo, wrinkling his nose for good measure. "You have the worst morning breath."

" _Please_ ," says Soonyoung, lip curling. "You'd be so lucky."

Maybe next time. "With all the things you keep putting in your mouth, I highly doubt that."

" _You_ are officially the worst roommate in the world," says Soonyoung. Wonwoo shrugs; Soonyoung's mother seems to think otherwise, if the way she keeps nagging Soonyoung to be a little tidier around his own living space like Wonwoo is any indication. "Why did I agree to be your roommate again?'

"Because it'll be weird to explain to anyone else why, exactly, your part-time job involves locking yourself inside your own room for hours on end without judgment," says Wonwoo. "And I already judge you on a daily basis, so."

"If I'm gonna be suspected of doing anything illegal, I might as well go all out and become a camboy, shouldn't I?" Soonyoung sighs. If Wonwoo's dick twitches a little at that, it's not his fault Soonyoung even put the mental images in. He's an imaginative guy.

"That was a joke," Soonyoung decides far too quickly. " _Stop looking at me like that_."

"I've heard it brings in a lot of money," says Wonwoo, a little more fervently than he means to. "I think I know a guy that can get us into Chaturbate without leaving a trace."

Soonyoung blanches and crosses his legs together, like he's trying to protect his dignity; unfortunately, it only makes Wonwoo's eyes flicker downwards, following the motion.

"My face is up here, asshole," says Soonyoung, kicking him under the table. Wonwoo doesn't budge. "Stop staring at my dick. I can already hear the gears turning in your head, you perv."

It's true; he knows what it looks like, if only because Soonyoung keeps forgetting his towel every time he showers and Wonwoo can't be half-assed to spare him the indignity when he's yelling at him for help from across the hall. He knows the shape, the size, the color. Its curve. All else – its weight, its texture – they're things reserved in his mind, for when he doesn't want to go through the hassle of working with VPNs just to unblock porn sites. A long time ago, the fantasies were nameless, unidentifiable, just bodies and forms; after how many years of living with Soonyoung, of knowing the slope of his back, the number of moles scattered across his inner thigh, they've taken a different shape, one Wonwoo doesn't quite accept completely, but fuck if he doesn't want to take the edge off sometimes.

He's thought about it, about Soonyoung touching himself in the shower, or fisting his cock as he keens and ruts against the sheets. Wonwoo's sheets, maybe, if only because Soonyoung is a lazy asshole that doesn't want to clean up his own messes. More than once, Wonwoo's imagined taking him into his mouth, just to watch Soonyoung fall apart under his tongue, piece by piece. It's a different kind of way to get under his skin. A different challenge.

From the disgusted look on Soonyoung's face, that's not likely to happen any time soon, though. Pity.

"It's a very nice dick," says Wonwoo, simply, and watches Soonyoung shudder.

"Do you realize how gross it is that you're using me as your spank bank," Soonyoung complains, banging his head against the surface of their tiny kitchen table. "We _live_ together."

Wonwoo shrugs and turns to his phone, already bored of the conversation. "I paid good money for the show."

"You don't even pay me!" Soonyoung retorts. "You just get secondhand enjoyment every time I have a livecam!"

"I pay in rent," says Wonwoo. "And who else would fix the camera for you and give you CPR when you're choking on a sausage next time?"

"Fuck you," Soonyoung growls out, rising from his seat to storm out and into his room to sulk. Or pack. Maybe both. "I'm looking for a new roommate next month."

"Good luck with that," says Wonwoo, not even looking up from his phone. "In the meantime, how do you feel about geoducks?"

Soonyoung gives him a raised finger on his way out. Wonwoo ends up eating the rest of his barely touched noodles, so _ha_.

Ten year plan, he thinks. He's always been good at waiting. Soonyoung's got _no chance_.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where this is going, so this will just be a casual thing for fun. \o/ I. May or may not continue this. We'll see.
> 
> On another note: you cannot believe what kind of things I had to google and delete from my search history just for this fic. _Honestly_.


End file.
